/March 2023

tell a story about cheating.

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I have a friend who finally got what he wanted after pursuing it for three years. But maybe he has been in love for too long, so he keeps beautifying each other in his heart, so that after less than half a year together, there is an idea in his mind: "she doesn't seem to be as good as she thought."

the idea is terrible, like ants crawling on a dam, constantly multiplying, and then eroding your idea bit by bit. By the time you realize it, it's too late.

I know he likes her very much. He told me the story between them two years ago. At that time, I said to him, "come on, you no longer like her, but you imagined her."

he didn't believe it at that time, but he called me the other day, and the first sentence was:

"I believe it."

at this time, another good girl appeared in front of him. By comparing the two girls, they were more sure that they didn't like the girl they had been chasing for three years at all. He asked me, "am I having an affair?"

I told him, "divide it quickly. Procrastination is not good for anyone."

finally this friend broke up, but he wasn't with another girl either. The result of

makes me wonder, is he cheating like this? What's the definition of cheating? Is the physical affair more serious or the mental affair more serious?

I'm not sure about these questions. Because I found that the original feelings of things, can never be judged by outsiders.

how to go on, you have to ask the person concerned.

I used to be a loyal spectator of a long-distance love. They are a model couple, two people review together, finish school together, make progress together, and go to the same university together, so that our classmates are not envious.

after the college entrance examination, my husband and I will meet as soon as we find a gap to talk about our current situation. In the first two years of graduation, every meeting was reduced to a show of love, and he would always tell me where they traveled and what kind of story happened there.

but I don't know when, complaining that it began to sprout secretly like a seed. In addition to the regular show of affection, there were some unpleasant things in his conversation with me.

at first I thought it was the throes of a long-distance run, but late one night I received a message from the woman's Wechat: "I broke up with him." It was only then that I realized that I hadn't heard their story for more than half a year.

I asked her why, and she only said one thing: "he likes someone else."

well, empathy.

but then I went out to dinner with the man and heard a completely different story. He said, "you know, every time I meet her, she always goes home with a black face."

I said I really didn't see it. She has that kind of character.

he sighed and said, "at first I thought that if I indulged her more, she would lose her temper less." But I found that when I took a step back, she went one step further. In the end, I had no choice but to retreat, and the relationship naturally could not go on. "

he does have a new girlfriend, but according to him, he met only after the breakup, so it doesn't count as "empathy" at all.

this story reminds me of Akira Kurosawa's "Luosengmen". Which one of them is right? maybe one of them is lying. Or maybe neither of them is lying, just from a different point of view.

and as an outsider, what qualifications and conditions do I have to act as their referee? Even if I decide that the man's story is the truth, can the relationship be mended?

Li Zongsheng has a song called "Song for himself", in which there is a lyric that goes like this: "I only know those who have been together for a long time, and I have never seen them for a long time." Every time I hear this, I always feel shocked, because such a simple two words, the world broke up the story to sing the end.

We always think that the saying "the authorities are confused, the onlookers are clear" is true. But in fact, no one can tell who is right and who is wrong in a failed relationship.

because there are only "wrong" and "more wrong".

have you ever had an affair? Have you ever been cheated on?

I believe that when most people see these two problems, their first reaction is "no". I took these two questions to ask all the friends around me, and they both had the same answer.

but if you ask them, "have you ever had a story about infidelity?"

you will hear a lot of dog blood stories right away. And those stories are full of details, including how the affair happened, and how the protagonist messed up the relationship after the affair, just like the bloody plot happened to the narrator.

but if you ask them why they are so angry about the affair, they can't give a reason. Forced to hurry, can only say: "because cheating people are rubbish."

but as a matter of fact, do other people's cheating stories really have anything to do with us? Will their ending really affect our view of love?

the answer is, of course, no, because that would be no different from handing over your own happiness.

it's better to find your own Luoshengmen, be trapped in it, and enjoy the joy and sadness, surprise and disappointment it brings.

even if the result is not as good as expected, it is better than watching a play. Because our lives still have to be lived by ourselves. The ups and downs of others have nothing to do with you.

finally, may you never understand Li Zongsheng.