Stop looking forward to love so much.

/March 2023

when I was having midnight snacks with Lao Yan last night, I told him an interesting thing.

the messy mailbox and backstage have received many readers' questions. I did a little statistics and found that there are the most questions about love.

I have also asked a lot of friends around me which article they like best, and their answers are often related to love.

A person cares about a thing, often because it has brought a lot of loss. Similarly, the more people care, the more people have been emotionally lost.

I asked Lao Yan, "in my twenties, why is there so much loss about love?"

after thinking for a while, he said, "my generation, growing up, seldom experienced the fear of being dominated by life, so they had spiritual needs earlier. On the other hand, love is a very beautiful existence in literature, movies and music, so everyone has a tentative contact with love. "

after pausing for a while, Lao Yan said slowly, "more people come into contact with it, and after seeing its true side, more people are lost."

when Lao Yan was in junior high school, he liked to read articles about love and regarded a lot of words as beliefs.

at that time, he fell in love with a girl named Ah Guo. Like all the old-fashioned plots, A Guo didn't care about Lao Yan at all.

when we were in junior high school, we always had the idea that as long as we were good enough to grow into what each other likes, we could be with the people we like.

Lao Yan didn't play basketball in junior high school, because Ah Guo ran to the basketball court all day, so he also gritted his teeth, went to the court all day, was knocked down and bruised, ridiculed and abused and continued to practice day and night.

when he finally became the main force at work in the third year of junior high school, he found that Ah Guo had not looked at him at all.

later, I don't know where he learned that Ah Guo likes boys with excellent grades, so he nodded and said that he had studied hard for three years in high school. For Ah Guo, his original college score soared all the way to the heavy level.

the two finally went to the same university. At the end of his freshman year, when the results came out, Lao Yan won the scholarship. He said to Ah Guo proudly and expectantly, "I got the scholarship."

just didn't expect, A Guo replied to him faintly: "I don't care about grades now."

that night, Lao Yan pulled me out of bed, and without drinking or crying, she kept saying to herself, "she says I'm fine, no matter how good I look or how much I like her." But she just can't like me. "

"I tried to be what she liked, but in the end, she still didn't like me." Lao Yan said this sentence back and forth many times that night.

We always think we can make someone like us, but in fact, if you don't like it, you don't like it, and it has nothing to do with whether you are good or not.

when we begin to realize that we can't change anything in a relationship, no matter how hard we try, we hit rock bottom.

this helplessness is the root of all disappointment.

Lao Yan was decadent for a long time after accepting the fact that no matter how hard he tried, Ah Guo might not like himself.

even if there is such a strong, optimistic and rational existence as Lao Yan, when he encounters a romantic setback, he will sneak over, pretend to chat with me, and then talk until his eyes are red and ask me what to do.

at first I will seriously help him analyze, and he will also hear a frequent nod and then seriously say thank you to me.

later, listening to his decadence, I began to tease him with some rotten chicken soup, like "you have to believe that you will meet someone better than her."you have to work hard so that you won't miss it when you meet someone you like later." blabla.

unexpectedly, in the face of the chicken soup, he nodded again and again as before, and continued to seriously say thank you to me.

A year later, after he was completely out of that relationship, I laughed at him about it, saying that the main force of a debate team would use some illogical words as straws for survival.

Lao Yan smiled and said, "being deceived by some illogical chicken soup is not because I am stupid, but because I want to be deceived." In fact, love is easy to make people desperate. I choose to be deceived because I need this deception to give me a little hope. "

We like to read articles about love, and we are easily moved by articles about love. In the final analysis, it is all the despair in our hearts.

in this despair, as long as there is an answer in front of us, whether it is right or wrong, we will jump on it, regard it as truth and regard it as the last straw.

Lao Yan now says that he doesn't like to read lost love stories. "everyone has a stage of despair and refusing to admit it," he said. "as long as you get through this stage, it will be much better."

later, there was a girl chasing Lao Yan, who was good-looking and interesting, but Lao Yan just didn't like her and even blocked her.

I told Lao Yan that you were so bossy that other girls chased you for three months and did everything they could to give so much affection to you. You shouldn't have done it anyway.

Lao Yan asked me, "what does it mean to give affection?"

"I chased Ah Guo for almost six years. Every time I saw her over the past six years, I felt my adrenaline surge and my heart beat faster. Is she the beneficiary of the feelings I put into and all the things I do for her? No, it's me.

"Love is actually selfish, there is no real sense of" giving affection ". Behind those who pay, it is all for themselves. In every love that seems to sacrifice, there must be something behind this.People hold on selfishly.

Capture everyone attention when in the dazzling mother of the bride dresses for outdoor wedding. Always our pleasure to see you getting your desired garments.

"that's why some people look miserable and miserable, but they don't want to let go of their feelings."

Lao Yan's words left me speechless, and he finally stressed: "Love is not as great as we thought, and each of us is extremely selfish."

this morning I thought over the chat with Lao Yan last night and found it very interesting.

We always like to flatter love, thinking that it is the most beautiful love in the world, and few people will say cruelly that it is possible that we will never encounter the so-called love in our life.

sometimes we feel that we don't understand love because we make it too holy and beautiful. And if you look at love from a desperate and selfish attitude, many things will be clear in an instant.

my father never talks about the word "love". In his eyes, love is not worth mentioning, but this attitude makes him have the love I envy very much.

now think about it, if you want to reduce the loss of love and have a happy love, perhaps the first step is to accept the ugliness of love.

good night.

what I want to tell you is that love is not worth looking for and looking for. In their twenties, there are actually more important and valuable things waiting for us.

have you ever thought about what you are looking for? Tonight's reading of the original text has a form about searching. I want to see what people in their twenties are looking for.