Even if I will be separated eventually, I still want to meet you.

16
/March 2023

A

received the Wechat of Orange in the early morning: "tomorrow is the end of my senior year." Go back to Chongqing the day after tomorrow and have a barbecue together in the evening. "

in the evening, Orange and I met at the barbecue stand where we used to go. Still ordered some barbecue and a few bottles of snowflakes. The same boss who spoke Sichuan dialect came to greet us.

Orange sighed with me while drinking beer: the four years of college passed too fast, and I still remember clearly that I was stupid when I was a freshman with a red schoolbag.

I asked why the orange was not called Cher, who was her best friend. I met them both at a club event. In my impression, there will be Cher every time there are oranges, and every time I browse on moments, two people are in sync.

she smiled awkwardly. "I haven't been in touch with Cher since my junior year. She's busy taking the IELTS. I'm busy with my internship. We seldom see each other." I just met at the beginning of my senior year, and I didn't know what to talk about at all after a few pleasantries, and finally turned into two people face-to-face browsing their cell phones. "

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I asked Orange, who do you think is your best friend in college? isn't it Cher?

I remember that I was impressed by her answer. "I don't think there is any best friend, just a best friend at some stage," she said. I have tried to regain some relationships in the past, but the awkward atmosphere is often stronger. Like Cher, she is my good friend at 02:00 as a freshman. And you are my good friend at this stage, in the future we may choose different ways of life, have different ideas and lives, will inevitably drift away. "

I asked Orange, "do you think it's a good thing to drift away?"

"it's not a good thing, but it's bound to happen."

the orange said "cheers", and I said, "that's right."

two

freshman year, I am keen on all kinds of group activities and curious about everything new. When I went to school away from home in 2000km, I finally got away from my parents' control and could do whatever I wanted. I feel that being with a group of people is the most sense of security thing; have dinner together, play hot pot together, sing together, go for a walk after a big drink, and play all night together.

two

I still remember the first all-night in college. The plan is for people from the club to have a barbecue and sing together, and then ride bicycles from school to Beaver Island outside 10km at 03:30 in the morning to watch the sunrise. At the moment when a group of people arrived on Beaver Island against the cold wind and saw the first ray of sunlight sprinkled on the sea level, I felt really happy. It was youth to know such a group of like-minded friends in university. We finally took a group photo on Beaver Island and agreed to get together at least once a month.

but no one remembers the original agreement, everyone quickly set up their own new circle, after all, people are animals that follow the novelty.

even when I flipped through the picture after two years, I couldn't recognize everyone's name. In the end, people who agreed to stay better will inevitably become the most common hi-bye friend in universities.

in the past, I thought that the so-called friendship must be to get together to talk, laugh and share the prosperity of the world. Being able to get together from time to time is basic, and complaining every day is the key.

now it is found that the number of times we can get together can be counted with one hand a year, and the number of complaints together is like that of "period" once a month. It turned out that many people just met by chance, saying hi to each other, crying and laughing together.

and then leave unguarded one day.

in retrospect, I realized that there was no "best friend" in college. It was just a synonym for mutual warmth. Maybe the appearance of some people will surprise you that there are friends with "right taste" in this world, so we rely on this temperature and want to hold it firmly in the palm of our hand.

but we all forget one truth. In fact, the tighter you cover, the more afraid you are of being alone.

some people will be annoyed by the other person if they are reluctant to let go, and they will leave the impression that they are not independent. And some people know they can't tie a person to death, so they let go before the other person wants to leave. Free and easy is free and easy, but also some helpless.

but this is friendship.

three

I have a glued best friend, Qiao Qiao.

We hooked up successfully when she introduced herself at the class meeting on the first day of school, and we hit it off with common preferences and troughs. Later, in addition to going back to the dormitory and going to the toilet every day to share her worries, I took a 26-hour green train from Guangzhou to Kunming, and then from Kunming to Lijiang by leaking bus all night. Just for a place in a book we both like. Later, the two men were so poor that they had only 200 yuan left, so they could only buy the cheapest standing tickets from Kunming and stood in the smoking area all night and returned to Guangzhou.

I still remember the moment when I first left Guangzhou Station and saw the gray-faced and tired person who collapsed. Qiaoqiao smiled and sighed, "there is no one in this experience but with you."

then I chose to change my major, and Qiao Qiao stayed in my major. When I went to the college office to apply for a certificate, Qiao Qiao accompanied me all the time and asked me carefully: "We won't fade after changing majors."

"of course not."

the fact is that the curriculum is different every day after changing majors, and we rarely have the opportunity to get together. One day a year later, when I was wandering around school with my boyfriend bored, I met Jojo walking with a boy.

We didn't know each other had a boyfriend, so we said hello awkwardly. When I clicked on the wechat dialog with Jojo to gossip, her side also showed that it was being typed. I just found out that the last conversation we had was half a year ago. And then, we...I didn't say anything.

I couldn't sleep that night and accidentally saw her post a new post: "after all, we used to be so good."

it is false to say not to be lost. I began to understand the sentence in the Norwegian Forest: "I don't like loneliness, I just don't like disappointment." It turns out that for those who go to the library, commute and eat alone, their "one person" is not because of loneliness, but because they may be like me.

I chose "one person" when I met something disappointing.

four

there is a dialogue in Mary and Marx that moves me: "everyone's life is like a long sidewalk, some are neat, and some, like me, have cracks, banana peels and cigarette butts. Your sidewalk is the same as mine, but not as many cracks as mine. One day, I hope you and my sidewalks intersect, and then we can share a can of condensed milk. You are my best friend, you are my only friend. "

We seem to have reached a special stage when we were young. People around them are getting busier and busier, busy looking for jobs, falling in love, making money and posting moments. Listen to friends, especially after graduation, you will find that slowly, former friends are no longer friends.

because time is pushing us and subtracting us at the same time, it has to take away some precious feelings around you.

everyone is on their way, with their own goals and their own lives. Some people are in line with your goal and are willing to stop and walk with you for a while. Some people slowly lost contact and never saw each other again. No matter how close you used to be. Most of the encounters inevitably face separation.

later I received a postcard from Qiao Qiao when he was on a trip from Lhasa. A paragraph was written on it: "Life is like walking alone on a dark road, and the light of the street lamp gives us the courage to go on alone." Sometimes the lights are brighter and sometimes the lights are dimmer. But there will always be. Each lamp can only accompany you for a while. Thank you for your company. "

after reading, I don't feel sad when I think of all kinds of memories with her. On the contrary, I think:

well, in fact, this kind of relationship is also quite good.

when editing this article, there is always a sentence in mind: "you can choose to stay or you can choose to leave, because this is what friendship is like." Good night, everyone.