Give up, just give up.

/March 2023

An and a half basement by the sea in Dalian, where the sun shines in only around seven o'clock in the morning, is maintained by incandescent lights most of the time.

when I look back on those days, I have the illusion that the light in the room gave me a reason to work so hard.

after all, I can't tell the difference between day and night, so I just write day and night, and compared with now, I can only remember this, and I can't remember why I worked so hard.

if you say it's a hobby, it doesn't count, as the movie says: "which young man in his twenties doesn't want to be a writer?"

you said it was to make money, either. Few people read what I wrote.

after two years of similar days, I strangely put down my pen and moved back to my dormitory, waiting for graduation.

memories are like this. Looking at yourself through a foggy mirror, it is so blurred that people not only forget why they insisted in the first place, but also don't even know why they gave up.

I suddenly mentioned this because I saw a message in the cluttered backstage two days ago: around, Dafulai is in a mess.

wandering around is so true. If it were my readers at that time, it would have been at least five or six years ago.

in the past five or six years, I picked up and let go of too many things, advertising, going to the construction site, being an administrator, setting up a stall. There are so many that I don't even know the reasons, and I don't even bother to find excuses.

but now that I have picked up the things I once gave up, I will try to find a reason to stick to it this time.

for example, when I started writing again, I thought that no one would read it, but after such a long time, it was still remembered.

maybe the reason I put down at that time was that "no one was watching", but I just didn't want to admit it.

when others ask themselves, "Why didn't you write in the first place?"

I can answer directly: "Ah?" I don't remember either. "

it's humiliating to say "No one is watching".

after all, there is no immediate feedback, which is not a memorable thing for anyone.

but now after receiving that message, think about it again, there is no "immediate feedback", it really doesn't matter.

maybe a few years later, life suddenly gives you a good feedback.

tells you that those years of persistence are worth it, and that it's time to pick it up.

if there is no such thing after a long time, it doesn't matter.

anyway, I gave up at that time, so give up.

Thank you /Zhang Thorn

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