I always want to get along with everyone.
my friend Ade transferred to another school for family reasons in the fourth grade. When he arrived in the new class, Ade found that there was a small group of boys in the class who ignored him and were extremely repulsive.
at first he just thought it was a little strange and didn't pay special attention to it. But gradually, more and more people ignored him, and in the end, no one even played with him.
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Ade began to apologize again and again, even though he didn't know where he was wrong. But when he raised his hand to say hello to the others, everyone walked on as if there was nothing in front of him.
Ade's hand stopped in mid-air awkwardly, his expression a little stiff. He realized that he was isolated.
"being isolated is like standing on an endless road. Everyone who passes by ignores you, bypasses you, and makes a vacuum circle around you. You are lonely and conspicuous on that road. " Ade said.
after many years, Ade went to college. There, Ade met a primary school classmate, and after some communication, he finally knew why he was isolated.
at that time, there was a girl named Aki who liked Ade very much. Coincidentally, the monitor liked Aki very much. Seeing Aki talking to Ade every day, the monitor began to say that he didn't like Ade.
the monitor has a great influence, and children are easily affected. So over time, this inexplicable nuisance has become more and more widespread, and it has even been put on numerous reasons that do not know where it came from: "Ade transferred to another school because he was caught stealing money in his former school", "Ade is not loyal," and "Ade is very bad."
when I heard this, I noticed a terrible thing: influence seems to be equated with justice.
Ade said: "when you have enough influence, three people will believe when you say a word, and three people will believe that a group of people will believe in the future."
because he thinks Ade is stealing money, every child who isolates him thinks he is just. In a child's world, the truth is closely linked to the number of people.
everyone attacks one thing and excludes one person, which seems to depend only on how many people are saying and how many people are believing.
but even if every child thinks he is just, is Ade wrong?
later I found out that the group actually has its own values. When the values of groups and individuals are mutually exclusive, the small number of people, individuals or small groups, always appear wrong and different.
my friend Lao Yan was rejected by the whole class when he first went to college. Not long after the freshman year began, the class committee excitedly told everyone that they would organize an autumn outing.
Lao Yan had no interest in this autumn trip and told the class committee not to go.
A class committee immediately broke down when he heard this: "everyone goes to play, but you are the only one who doesn't go. Why don't you have such a sense of unity and collective?"
Lao Yan frowned when he heard this sentence: "I don't like to travel with a group of people." The place is also near my house. I often go there when I was a child, so there is no need to spend more money. "
the class committee said, "you have to go near your house and act as a tour guide for everyone." It's not good for you to be so unsociable. "
hearing this, Lao Yan shook his head disdainfully and walked away. Later, the class kept saying that Lao Yan looked down on the class people and was not United.
I asked Lao Yan why he was wronged once.
Lao Yan asked me, "Why should he kidnap me with the word" gregarious "? And if I am wronged once, do I have to be wronged a second time? "
"I have my travel values and ideas. Why can't I respect my choice?" A group? What is a collective? Everyone agrees that a group with the same values is called a collective. What is a group of people who get together because of the same score? "
I was speechless.
is also exclusion, and the choices of Lao Yan and Ade are very different. In order to integrate into the group, constantly self-doubt, struggling to find their own mistakes. The other is resolute and unyielding, paying no attention to the exclusion of others.
what is interesting is that Ade and Lao Yan, who stand at two different extremes, are actually the same person.
after experiencing the great shadow of primary school, Ade, who was in junior high school, became very introverted and did not communicate with others on weekdays. What he liked most at that time was to read alone in the corner and find a way to look at the world in the book.
one book may not change a person, but a thousand books will do. The things he had seen kept colliding in Ade's mind, and he began to think more about the phenomena in his life.
"the thought of treating a group of randomly arranged people as a group, or even joining this random group, makes my spine feel cold: does this mean that my values should also be changed?" When Ade began to think about this problem, he had become an old face.
when you see others isolated, people often like to say, "you must have done something wrong." Otherwise, why don't people isolate others and just you? "
but you should know that a person can only determine his own values, not those of his group. In fact, justice has nothing to do with the number of people, the isolated have done nothing wrong, they are just not suitable for this group.
in fact, if I want to get out of isolation, I have only one suggestion, and that is to try to find a group that really belongs to me. Some people say it's an escape, but I don't agree.
bow to an isolated group to sacrifice your priceValue at the expense of compromise, thinking that since can not be defeated, it is better to join them, this kind of unlimited life is the real escape.
because once you choose to compromise, you may be able to get along like a fish in water, but you can't help it. You are not you, you have become you who go with the tide.
before posting the article, I put the reader's question back to the constantly isolated old Yan. Instead of answering this question immediately, he quoted Shakespeare as saying: "the surest hope is often disappointed in the end." the least assured hope is an unexpected success. "
after a while, he continued, "give up the hope of getting along with everyone so that you can meet the person you want to meet."
so don't be afraid to be isolated, don't be afraid to be questioned, "Why do you isolate you when there are so many people in a class", even when you start to doubt yourself when you are isolated.
because only those who unswervingly find their own group in isolation, big and small, step by step, are the true warriors. Only in this way is it possible to get to where you want to go.