I am very disappointed in my university.

/March 2023

after our friend A Zhou found an internship, we could only meet and chat in the evening.

when we had midnight snacks in the university town the other night, I asked her how her internship was going. She said that the biggest pain was that she could no longer stay in bed-she worked an hour and a half on the subway from the school.

I laughed and said it was fine. After all, there are still some people around me who are confused and don't know what they can do in the future.

she gave me a white look, was silent for a moment, looked at the empty street and sighed: "suddenly I don't want to graduate."

A Zhou has been under a lot of pressure recently. Before finding an internship, he had to prepare for the interview while preparing for the exam, and he had conflicts with his friends around him, which made him exhausted.

after she finally found an internship, the pace of life became faster. Getting to work on time, setbacks at work, endless life and work suddenly made her realize that she was so happy in college these years when she had nothing to do.

although A Zhou always complains about how bad her college is, people often realize how they really feel about it only when they are about to lose something.

me too.

I asked my friends in college a question: are you disappointed in college?

the number of people who were disappointed accounted for 100%. Everyone can't stand the fact that after 12 years of hard study, the result is to come to such a place, where all the wonderful imagination and vitality have turned into lies.

the teacher's lecture is not fun at all, and the club activities are not as interesting as imagined. There is no colorful place in life except playing computer games and falling in love. Boredom is full of every inch of college time.

before college, I liked to write online novels. High school gave up this idea in order to prepare for the exam, and then I told myself that I must finish a novel of my own in college.

freshman year, full of enthusiasm, update 6000 words every day. Only less than two months after writing, I quietly gave up this matter, busy falling in love, busy working in the club, busy telling myself it was boring all day.

now that I think about it, I was really disappointed in college at that time, but there was another disappointment in myself: I had the freedom to do what I wanted, but I didn't do it with all sorts of excuses.

so gradually, I began to hide my disappointment in myself by going to college with the people around me.

A Zhou and I had a good relationship when we were sophomores, and both of us were emotionally hit at the same time. At that time, our life was that after she called me stupid, I called her stupid, and then two idiots helped me all the way to this day.

and in those days, apart from feelings, what we talked about most was the confusion about the future.

We often squat under the street lamp in the middle of the night, count with fingers what we have learned in the past two years of college, and finally agree that no company will want us and will starve to death.

it's not just her and me. In the second semester of my sophomore year, what everyone around me mentioned most was confusion. Everyone began to realize that time flies and they haven't done anything yet.

at the end of her sophomore year, A Zhou hesitated for a long time and told me that she would not go back for the summer vacation. She signed up for a technical class here, learning from eight in the morning to ten in the evening, six days a week, living like a senior.

I said yes, come on. Then that summer vacation frantically read books, contributed, rejected, and then contributed. Zhou and I seem to have been pushed by time, and inexplicably we both found the direction we were looking for.

at that time, I suddenly realized that I was confused because I was free and had many choices. And once the time goes forward a little bit, when there are fewer and fewer choices, you will naturally hold on to the last way out.

every year New Year's Day arrives, and when I watch the time jump to 00:00, I subconsciously tell myself that I am a little closer to my senior year, a little closer to graduation, and a little closer to my job.

after getting out of confusion, I will see something clearly, but when I see it clearly, I will be afraid at the same time.

A Zhou and I began to talk about work. She would talk about which big company offer the big god in the technology class got. I would talk about the recognition rates of different official accounts. We began to care about one thing, that is, money.

is not the kind of money for living expenses, but the kind of money to support yourself and your family.

I often chat with some seniors, their lives are either busy reviewing and taking the postgraduate entrance examination, or busy running around for interviews, there are not too many choices.

A Zhou told me that she had so little freedom after the internship that she was not used to it. She squinted to go to work early, ate on time, went back to the dormitory after work to take a look at the contents of the exam, and fell into a deep sleep on the bed. this is her whole day.

"I finally found my way, but I always feel a little tired when I think about the life in the future."

when Zhou and I stood under the streetlight that night, we sighed a lot and said many times, "I really don't want to graduate."

the most annoying and favorite thing about university is that it is free.

this freedom makes it a mirror. You are what you are in college. No one has interfered with all your choices in college, and no one has the ability to do so.

all our emotions about college are related to freedom.

our disappointment, our confusion, is because of freedom. Even our last sentence, "I really don't want to graduate", is because we don't want to give up that freedom.

my brother is now in high school. When I was a sophomore, I wanted to give him a warning and asked him if he was looking forward to college life. Unexpectedly, he shook his head decisively.

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I was stunned: "College is very free. You can do a lot of things that you can't do in high school." Not looking forward to it? "

my brother asked me, "what can I do in college but not in high school?" Before I could speak, he suddenly said, "what I don't do in high school will not be done in college."

I am ashamed that what he said is right. We all like to use college as an excuse and always think that university can do what we want. But after going to college, how many people just do what they need, not what they want?

We are all wasting this freedom. The freedom we gained by forgetting to eat and sleep for twelve years, in the end, we spent all our time.

I have asked a lot of people what attitude they want to use to spend their college life, and get a lot of answers.

I also asked A Zhou this question that night. she thought about it and said, "I will be capricious and do what I want regardless of the consequences in this little time."

good night.