I thought I wouldn't wear a suit like them.

/March 2023

in the third year of junior high school, I made a new acquaintance with a friend named Yan Ji. We got to know each other because of the extreme sport of changing pens. He brought me into this field.

when I was sitting in his bedroom listening to him introduce the world of pser, I had only one feeling: dazzling.

each action category has a professional English name, around, spin, charge, sonic, and so on. Each professional pen (mod) combination, the professionalism is also amazing, from insert to outsert, and then to a variety of foreign and domestic high-quality pen materials, dc, af, G2, G3 numerous.

when Yan Ji told me that the most common professional pen in his hand, ivan-mod, cost 30 yuan, I gasped. The most expensive pen I used in the third year of junior high school was real color, two yuan.

then he took out one mod after another from his pencil case and quoted a higher price, from thirty to the last three hundred. Looking at that unoutstanding 300-yuan pen, I was completely soft. For the first time, I found that rewriting is more professional than I thought, and more noble than I thought.

before leaving that day, he put a pen named waterfall on the yellow desk in front of me, smiled and asked, "do you want to learn?"

I looked at the dancing pen in Yan Ji's hand, so beautiful that I couldn't say anything, and nodded desperately.

during the summer vacation in the third year of junior high school, Journey to the West happened to be broadcast when Yan Ji was watching TV at home. Yan Ji pointed to the Tang Sanzang of the White Dragon and said with a smile, "turning a pen is still a minority movement." As for us, we are like Tang Sanzang who went to the western sky to learn scriptures. By the time we become a Buddha, we will be able to popularize sentient beings and make more people accept this sport. "

this is not a joke. At that time, Yan Ji's technical level was ranked among the largest pen transfer forums in China, and his teaching videos were even praised as the novice Bible, and he studied English assiduously in order to communicate with some pser abroad.

when I meet him in the water bar every weekend in my freshman year of high school, he always tells me that he has mastered a few more trick and made more videos. He is like the god of the pen transfer world, there is no bottleneck, always making progress, always walking towards the west.

I also wanted to shoot a video tutorial like him to participate in the competition, so I practiced hard. The front table had yelled at me for the number of times I dropped my pen, and I would move my fingers silently when I was walking on the road.

it's just that I don't know when to start, maybe it's because I'm in love, or maybe it's because of a review of an exam, I have less and less time to pick up my pen. As the days went on, the waterfall that Yan Ji gave me was covered with dust.

when I looked back and found that I had not practiced my pen for a long time, I suddenly realized that giving up persistence was never a hoarse announcement, but passed slowly and quietly.

I glanced at the waterfall in the corner and then at Yan Ji's new video on the forum. I felt inexplicably sad. Some things always need enough enthusiasm and talent to go to the end. If everyone can become a Buddha, the western sky will already be full.

just after the Spring Festival in the second year of high school, after shooting a video for Yan Ji, he suddenly told me that he was going to Singapore.

I was stunned for a moment and looked at him. He went on to explain that he went to Singapore to meet a pser. In addition to discussing the technology, they also plan to shoot an extremely difficult video of two people turning pen with four hands.

in the second year of high school, the farthest place I have been to is Xiamen, next door province, with a group of friends. Yan Ji, in order to change his pen, wanted to go straight to Singapore.

"Don't worry, I have saved money for a long time. A part-time job plus lucky money is barely enough. " I looked into Yan Ji's eyes with mixed tastes and felt that there was a fire in it.

after coming back to Singapore, Yan Ji excitedly told me about the atmosphere there, the scale there is very good, and there is a special studio there.

"now, you have really gone to the western sky to learn scriptures." I smiled. It is because you really love this thing that you work so hard.

at that time, I thought that no matter where Yan Ji was and what he was doing, he would never stop this extreme sport. Just like Zhang Jingshi said he would never stop writing, Lin Yoga said he would never stop singing, as long as he loved it enough, he could never stop.

one hot afternoon in my sophomore year, I received a Wechat from pser saying that Yan Ji had decided to retire. Anyone can give up changing pens when I say I'm kidding, but Yan Ji can't. I ran back to the dormitory before the class was over, with a strong uneasiness in my heart.

in a forum I haven't posted for a long time, I instantly saw Yan Ji's farewell letter:

"I once told my good friend that insisting on changing pens is like going to the west to learn scriptures. What I didn't tell him is that if you insist on changing your pen, you will encounter difficulties in 9981. And if you want to get through this, you have to give up something.

Junior high school, other people eat delicious food, wear good-looking, I envy, but I did not waste a penny, all thrown on the pen. In this difficulty, I lost my entertainment.

in the first year of high school, countless people thought I was weird after they knew that I was obsessed with changing pens, but I still practiced my own way. In this difficulty, I lost my interpersonal relationship.

Grade two, in order to go to Singapore, I earned a part-time job. My parents didn't understand me and had a big fight. But I'm still going without looking back. In this difficulty, I lost my understanding and leisure.

Nothing could be more enchanting than our hot pink prom dresses . Our unique selections would be the best gift.

when I graduated from my third year of high school, my girlfriend came to me and asked me if she wanted to support her and the whole family behind me. She told me to go back and think about it. After thinking about it all night, I thought I needed to think about it.Here we go.

my grades are not good. I didn't go to college, and my brain is OK. With a little luck and the English I learned to change my pen at that time, I live a lifetime in a foreign trade company.

I used to think I could handle the balance between family and changing pens. But then I found that once you hold on to something else, it's hard to move on. I work overtime every night. When I get home, I just want to sleep. Slowly, I practice less and less. When I saw those mod after cleaning today, I was very sad to find that I had given up.

to go to the western sky, it is difficult to go through 9981, which I can't get through. No matter how much I want to go to Xitian, I'm sorry, but I didn't become a Buddha in the end. "

word by word, I see it very hard.

when I wrote here, a lot of people asked me, later, Yan Ji really gave up writing.

Yes, it is. As Yan Ji said at the beginning, this is a minority movement. The cruelty of sports is that he needs to give up countless things behind a few seconds on stage, while the cruelty of a minority is that few people can understand.

after Yan Ji left the forum, his teaching video is still circulating. It is perfectly normal that people are constantly coming and leaving in this field. Some people are lucky enough to leave a name, but not many people, like me, have not left a word.

before junior year, Yan Ji treated me to a western meal. When he checked out, he smiled and said, "We ate ten ivan-mod for this meal."

I was a little funny and a little emotional, and asked him, "do you regret it?" You didn't drink much Coke in order to change your pen in the third year of junior high school. You spent all your money and youth on the pen, and now there seems to be nothing left. "

Yan Ji pursed her lips and said,

"you know, the person I admire most is not from the pen transfer world." It is the 2009 of the electronic sports world. in the era when e-sports was ridiculed and the players had to pay for the competition, he alone carried the Chinese team to win the world championship. Now e-sports has gradually become a system, people say that there will be 09 first and then one day.

I really want to be 2009 of the world of pen transfer, so that I can carry forward as much as e-sports, but I'm not as good as him.

regret? It's still a little bit. If only I could have gone a little further west and walked faster at that time. "

Yan Ji took a deep puff of cigarette, and the fingers holding the cigarette were as good-looking as before.

I also often ask myself what turning a pen means to me. Although I have gradually stopped talking about it as before, when I saw an obviously novice turning his mod on the road the other day, my heart was still slightly warm, feeling about what the pen had brought to me at that time.

when I looked up again, I saw groups of suits walking along the road. I can't help but wonder how many of them, like Yan Ji, gave up their favorite things in order to live a better life in the eyes of others.

are you like them: you used to love something so much that you went crazy, but finally gave up.

if you choose again, will you continue to stick to it?