I'm only 21, and I'm starting to have a headache about getting married.

/March 2023

when I went to visit my relatives a few days ago, the first thing many relatives said was to ask me when to get married. I touched my head and said I didn't even have a girlfriend.

as a result, they immediately blew up the pot, saying how people in their twenties could not have a date, and some people even pulled out their mobile phones to show me pictures on the spot and asked me to "pick" one.

the impatience in this makes me so uncomfortable that I dare not reveal my true thoughts that I "don't want to get married".

the older generation's anxiety about the marriage of the younger generation is not the slightest. My cousin, who just graduated two years ago, sighed that my uncle urged him to marry his girlfriend early, but he was not ready to marry at all.

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cousin has been in love with his girlfriend in high school for more than seven years, and now one is working hard in Guangzhou and the other is working in Shenzhen. No house, no car, once the two get married, the workplace problem will inevitably be separated.

but my cousin's two brothers are married and have children, and my uncle often refers to their "happy life" as a headache.


cousin said that he knew "secrets" that his uncle did not know. One of them was: "in fact, my brother often quarreled with his sister-in-law recently, because my sister-in-law always thought my mother was unkind to her."

with such a precedent, cousins naturally stay away from unprepared marriages. But for the uncle, no matter what the problem is between the young couple, it will not be a problem after marriage.

the end result is that my cousin will find all kinds of excuses to return to Guangzhou on the third day of the Lunar New year to avoid being urged to marry again.

in the afternoon, Lao Lin came out to me and said that he was in a very bad mood after discussing the future with his girlfriend.

both of them are in love for the first time, and they have a very good relationship so far. I thought they were in trouble, but I didn't know until I asked them that it was also because of "marriage".

the girl's family is much better off than Lao Lin. Recently, her second sister got engaged, and the second sister's economic level is not so high. The elders of the family want to hold a grand wedding, but the other party really can't help it. Finally, the wedding became the trigger for her second sister to break up.

this incident makes Lao Lin and his girlfriend worry about their future.

I teased, "have you ever thought about getting married?" I thought it was just a childish fantasy between young couples, but Lao Lin nodded seriously: "in fact, we talked, and she wanted to get married before the age of 27."

"her family is very traditional, her husband wants a lot of betrothal gifts, and she doesn't want her to marry out of town. In other words, when she is 27 years old, I must at least have a house in Xiamen and have enough financial means. " Lao Lin sighed and shook his head here, because the housing prices in Xiamen made him very desperate.

when I heard this figure, I had mixed feelings. Lao Lin was studying at Xiamen University and wanted to take a master's degree or even take a doctorate in scientific research. After graduating with a master's degree, I happen to be 27 years old, and I haven't even had time to officially begin my hard work.

this is the first time for me to feel the pressure of "getting married" up close.

I suddenly realized that if I were Lao Lin, it would be impossible for me to "marry" my love back when I was 27.

on the day I first went to college three years ago, my father patted me on the thigh on the highway and said, "Peng, I'm really afraid you won't get a wife."

at that time, I laughed and took this as a joke, and then I came to realize how much my father valued "marriage".

my father grew up playful and gambled all over the village with a wave of ingenuity in his hometown when he was young. When I was a child, I played with the landlord. After three different shuffling methods, the order of the whole deck remained motionless.

and all these are practiced by him for gambling. But even with such strong skills, he still failed to win the world, and sometimes he got red-eyed in gambling, not going home for 72 hours and fighting crazily at the gambling table.

but I don't know when to start. Every time my father comes home red-eyed, it's not because of 72-hour gambling, but because of 72-hour work.

once I had tea with him. Talking about the past, he told me that every time I came back from gambling, my mother would only ask him one question: "if there is no house, there will be no hukou. I can endure hardships with you." Where's the baby? Are you going to let them suffer with you, too? "

because of countless questions and dissuasion from my mother, my father was willing to think about "career" and changed him from a playful child to a mature and stable man.

for this reason, my father strongly agreed with the phrase "first start a family, then start a career" and projected it on me.

so I can understand why elders attach so much importance to "marriage" that they have to be in a hurry and even make a lot of embarrassing demands.

but they forget that the experience they have summed up is actually out of touch with this era.

the result of this is that my cousin does not want to get married and is urged to get married, but Lao Lin has true love and wants to get married, but is blocked. On the other hand, I have become less and less convinced that only a family can start a career.

the older you get, the more you realize that marriage is really a matter of two families. In the face of the pressure of "home", it is easy for the younger generation to appear small and helpless.

Young people want to marry love, and their elders may want to carry on the family line, live a stable life, and have company in their old age.

the meaning of "marriage" is like two tigers gnawing at each other in modern and traditional ideas. No one can persuade each other, and no one will accept the other.

but I always hope that the "marriage" of young people can be left to young people to decide, whether they want to marry later, want to marry in poverty, or even do not want to marry, resist or obey, will be respected.

but the truth is, according to the traditional concept of "home", these choices are difficult to accept.

sometimes IWe have finally passed the time and the reality, but are severely blocked by these traditional ideas.

then you will suddenly find a very ironic fact, that is, the last threshold of marriage, not love, not the economy.

it's about how much say and choice you have in your home.

good night.