Stop being so nice to me.

/March 2023

in junior high school, soon after Lao Lin and I met Ashi, she said excitedly that she had the most accurate psychological test in the world:

"if it were the end of the world, you would take a snack and get on a spaceship to escape the planet. Which one would you choose? A chocolate b cake c cookie

Lao Lin raised his glasses with his index finger: "what if I choose chocolate cake?" Don't you just include option A? There are big loopholes in this question blabla

I shook my head and still wanted to continue the monologue, Lao Lin thought about it carefully, chose chocolate and asked her, "so what's the result?" What is it? "

A Qian replied to me a little mischievously, "it shows that of the three, you like chocolate best."

I froze for a moment, and then laughed. On the other hand, Lao Lin continued to carefully analyze that the test was not "the most accurate in the world" at all.

then Ashi secretly told me, "in fact, the real test is how you react when you know the answer." Lao Lin entered the state of analysis from the very beginning, which shows that he is more rational than perceptual. And you take care of my embarrassment and laugh, which shows that you are easygoing and considerate. "

I raised my eyebrow and suddenly found that what was so powerful about this psychological test was that as long as I was willing to look down a little further, the psychological test, which was originally in the form of a joke, suddenly became serious and correct.

A Qian is beautiful and has good grades. She likes reading and often shares some interesting jokes, stories and cold knowledge with me. She likes to talk about some very mysterious psychology, and I am always fooled by her.

slowly, I fell in love with this interesting and gentle girl. But in junior high school, my grades were very poor. I didn't do my homework all day. After class, I went to the playground to play football.

at that time, it was strange that in the eyes of many people, including myself, it was depravity for good students to fall in love with bad students.

so when I expressed my love to her carefully and she said yes, I was happy and perturbed: "aren't you afraid that I will affect your grades?"

\ "I'm not afraid, I'm so good. "she looked at me with a smile." considerate is your advantage, but sometimes you are too afraid of affecting others. It's okay. It's my choice. "

looking at Ashi's smiling expression, I felt like I was seen through, so I secretly changed the topic: "do you remember that psychological test? what's your answer?"

she pouted and said, "I don't want to tell you." So this problem has become a hindrance between us.

I just didn't expect that after the whole junior high school was over, she still stubbornly didn't tell me her answer.

during the two years when Ashi and I were together, I always felt that she was under a lot of pressure. Coupled with the fact that she failed in several exams, some people began to talk about me dragging her down.

I felt guilty, so I began to study hard, not only to make her less gossiped, but also to be admitted to the same school as her in high school.

it's just that a lot of efforts are often unable to compete with time. My scores in the high school entrance examination are very average, but her grades can leave her hometown and go to Guangzhou to study. When I heard the news, I locked myself behind the door for a long time.

at that time, we were so naive that we thought that a relationship would be doomed by adding the word "long distance". I began to alienate her until one night during the summer vacation she told me she was downstairs.

the first thing she said when she saw me was: "I'm not going to Guangzhou."

I said no, and she said no.

the two stood opposite in the unlit corner of the community garden, but both turned their heads to the other side and remained silent for a long time.

until she suddenly sniffed hard, I turned around and saw her red eyes. I couldn't help it any longer. I said, "just go to Guangzhou, it doesn't matter."

she shook her head desperately with red eyes and without saying anything or looking at me. I still lost to her that night, and she stayed.

even though I worked hard, even in the face of so much incomprehension, she chose to stay in the same city as me.

she seems to be desperate to go in the wrong direction for love, and everything here, including me.

however, we broke up later, which she said broke up.

there are many reasons for couples to separate, but I can't find one to explain why she who could stay for me chose to leave in the end.

I have to find one, maybe it's because I've been dragging her down.

We delete contact information from each other and have no contact with each other. When the results of the college entrance examination came out, I learned that she had only been admitted to an ordinary university. I sighed and added her back.

We talked a lot, and I finally had a chance to ask her something she had always wanted to ask: "if you go to Guangzhou, it will definitely not be the case." Seriously, do you regret it? "

she inexplicably sent a sentence: "in fact, my answer to that psychological test is to stay."

after a while, another long message came: "if I can only take one snack with me, I'd rather stay and have a good last meal." Because if I don't have these things I love in my future life, I don't understand why I have to go. "

I sat at the end of the screen and couldn't say anything, and she continued to say to herself, "but you couldn't understand my choice at that time." You always want to do what's best for me, to make one choice after another that you think is better. "

what saddens me most is this sentence: "but I don't need you to think about my future." You were my future at that time. "

sat on the chair with mixed feelings and looked at the last sentence: "I left you later because you were too kind to me." It's good enough to make me feel like you're making atonement, andNot because you love me. "

at that time, I realized that the reason for our separation was the stupid and stubborn "for her good" that existed from the very beginning.

A few days ago, a friend in psychology recommended the same App to me, saying that the psychological test of this App is very accurate, and making friends depends on the three values to match. Seeing the words "psychological test", I suddenly thought of Ah Qian, so I did a set of tests.

I made a match on the same APP, and I met a girl who used the same profile picture as A Qian, with a matching degree of 96%.

when I thought fate had given me such a clever arrangement, I sent a few tentative greetings, only to find out that it wasn't her. I talked to 96% of the girls for a long time. I told her why I talked to her, told her a lot of stories about Ashi, and said that she and Ashi were very similar in character.

when I saw this sentence, I was filled with emotion. If only an APP like the old one told me that our original character and values were not suitable enough.

because of that, I know how to change, how to face her stay and leave.

in life, some people put love first, some people put career first, and some people put kindness first. All these depend on character, there is no right or wrong.

just like the exact matching on the old APP, some people have a high degree of three-dimensional match and some people have a low degree of character match, but no matter it is high or low, no one is wrong.

what is wrong is actually, as I did at that time, using what I put first to measure and influence the feelings of others.

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because in a relationship, there is no one who is good for you. Everyone has their own character and their own decisions.

good night.