There's something we can't get, but it's still important.
Last Sunday I went to Hong Kong University to look for limy, and she asked me why I suddenly wanted to find her. I said, "because it's so boring at home."
she said that I lived such a romantic life that I could hang out in Hong Kong because I was "bored". On the other hand, she was so busy as a sophomore that she had almost no free time. She wanted to live as an escalator in Hong Kong, rising all the time.
I was puzzled and asked her, "but don't you choose to be busy?"
maybe it's because the atmosphere of her hospital is eager for quick success and quick profit, and when everyone does this, you will unnaturally imitate them. She has a friend who has found three internships before the start of school, and usually has to take care of her studies.
you know, that classmate's family is not poor, and he is lovely, but he still spells it the same way.
"in the final analysis, it's all because of fear. I am afraid that as soon as I stop, I will find that I have no idea whether those busyness are meaningful at all, so I can only keep going. "
after listening to this, I smiled bitterly, felt ashamed of my laziness and said, "actually, I'm not busy. I just don't know why I'm busy. My life is not romantic at all. It's just a form of boredom."
finally, Limy showed me around her campus in two hours and had a nice Japanese meal with me. During the meal, she told me, "I have to attend a lecture this afternoon and go to the gym in the evening."
I laughed at her and said, "I'm so busy. It's rare not to have a weekend off."
she seemed to realize something and murmured, "that's why I envy the romance of your life."
on the subway, I told her not to see her off, but she still insisted on waiting for me to leave. I invited her to Dongguan to play with us, and she said, "it may not be free until after the final exam."
I said yes.
I thought about a lot of things on my way to Central. As far as I'm concerned, Limy is clearly a winner in life. Not to talk about family circumstances, but to talk about personal execution and willpower, I am more than one level behind her.
but she envies me.
envy my slowness, envy me casually, envy where I can find good friends, and let them show me around the hundred-year campus.
this envy makes me feel guilty. I obviously don't do anything better than her. As a matter of fact, I am also busy, but because the meaning of that kind of busyness is "detours", I dare to understate it; in fact, I have no friends, so I go to Internet cafes to play games every time I go home.
but I didn't tell Limy any of these things, because pain is always left to the people closest to me, and good friends don't need to know. Their job is to share happiness together.
on the contrary, I also sincerely envy Limy. Envy her busy, envy her planning, envy her face of the data although boring, but can still see the future.
but we all seem to do this. We can only see the good side of others, and the bad side is automatically filtered out. Many times, it is because of this state of mind that we change from envy to jealousy, and then from jealousy to doubt about our lives:
"Why is it that he was born with so many things while I have nothing?"
if the above ideas gather in one person too much, that person will collapse, because you will never find the corresponding answer. There is nothing fair in this world, just as you will envy your child's innocence, and your child will envy your wisdom.
maybe you want both innocence and wisdom, but you also know that some "things" can never belong to you.
A view of Victoria Harbour happened to be passing by
and the weather was fine
just like an old classmate I hadn't seen for a long time, just as I was writing this article, he came up to me and said, "Brother Kei, I finally split up."
the word "after all" is used because they faced the same problem last year: the woman's family strongly opposed it because he was not rich enough and the future was not colorful enough.
he was depressed and complained to me. I said that otherwise it would be over, and if I really didn't want to give up, I would try again and fully express my mind and determination, which would be regarded as trying my best.
he said, "OK, I'll try again."
towards 12:00 that evening, I received a message from him: "I did it!"
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I didn't say "congratulations". I just prayed in my heart that they would last for a long time. Because the reason why they can be together again, inextricably linked with me, is my instigation, my matchmaking, the coquettish he and the aloof she dare to show their heart to each other.
although we haven't talked for a long time, through his circle of friends from time to time, it always makes me feel that I can be his best man one day.
but after all, we broke up.
I never encouraged him to "try" again, because with the approaching of the word "graduation", I feel more and more that there are many things in life that we can't work hard to get, and there are more regrets in life that "ask for but not get".
all we can do is to keep moving forward on the original track, and we can no longer decide to leave the station because of the word "like". Our group of self-righteous teenagers have already become the inconspicuous hair in "pulling one hair and moving the whole body". And the so-called "whole body" is our home.
six years ago today, I organized our class reunion. I remember when he gathered in the morning, he crept up to me and whispered to me, "Brother Ki, I'm going to confess my love."
I was startled and asked him who to confess his love to. He pointed to her who was chatting with other classmates.
go to K in the afternoonDuring TV, we secretly ordered a song "only" for him, and then, as promised, we handed him the wheat and kept booing. The woman said "yes" in the noise, but at that time they were so shy that they only hugged each other and did not kiss.
but today, six years later, he still said "after all" to me.
I asked him, "are you sure? If you are sure, I can draw a full stop for you. "
he said, "Thank you."
maybe there are some things that really don't belong to us.
Limy hopes to "stop" romance, my hope for the future, he regained, but also lost love. These things, in the eyes of others, may be just another manifestation of hypocrisy. But as far as we are concerned, they are all things that we are pursuing and we know we cannot.
Yes, they are "not available", but they are still important.
you may find it hard to believe, but it is because of them that we can continue to endure the dissatisfaction of the present moment, get up after being beaten by life, and continue to be beaten. They are like sources of strength, as well as band-aids for stitching wounds.
maybe one day we don't need them to maintain motivation, because we become strong enough. But it may also be because we choose to go ahead and no longer believe in the distance.
and I, I hope you are the former.
the Spring Festival is coming soon. I don't know where you are at the moment and how you plan to spend the Spring Festival. Leave a message and talk to me.
I'm here tonight to wish you all an early year and wish you all a happy year of the Rooster.