This moment makes me feel like I don't like the wrong person.

/March 2023

when you are single, you can yell in the group when you want to ask a friend out for a barbecue. If you don't want to be disturbed, you can turn off your cell phone and disappear quietly for a day without any worries.

having a girlfriend is different. You should not only spend time with her, but also take care of her feelings. You must always remind yourself that it is no longer a personal life.

but there will always be moments that make me think that if it's her, it doesn't matter if it's really troublesome, because it's all worth it.

looking back on December last year, it was the hardest time for me.

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during that time, I had quit all my part-time jobs, and I was often unable to write good manuscripts, so I couldn't get my money back. in addition, I couldn't get it back after lending money to friends, which made me very poor.

for a whole month, I ate only one meal a day, living on fried eggs for 6 yuan each in the canteen. When I went to Songshan Lake to find her, I dared not take a 30-yuan ride at all. I could only walk two or three kilometers, take another hour's bus, and even take a seven-yuan Didi ride to the bus stop.

because only in this way can I save my already small money to take her to eat and drink.

and she had a very bad month, too. One night at the end of the month, two poor people were sitting on the platform of Songshan Lake Vanke chatting. We talked about the past and the future, but did not talk about what to eat tonight.

I remember clearly that while chatting, I stared at the promotional poster of the new product in M Ji for a long time. It was the thick Niu Castle of pineapple, which I had been talking about for a long time. It was sold for 28 days, and the set meal cost 39.5 yuan.

thinking that I have to spend the last 112 yuan in Wechat for the remaining five days, I have to look up to the sky to look at the stars.

finally, after looking at my forehead, I gritted my teeth and stood up and said to her, "it's too cold. Let's go eat hot pot to warm ourselves up."

she didn't move, but tugged at the corner of my clothes and said to me, "Brother, can you go over there and help me pack an order of Guilin rice noodles? I really want to eat it today."

I froze for a moment, then walked in the direction of the Guilin rice noodle shop and bought a bowl of ten yuan rice noodles in the store, thinking about how to convince her later to accept the sentence "I'm not hungry, you can eat."

when I looked back, I found that she had bounced up behind me and jokingly said to me, "long time no see."

I didn't say a word. I just silently took M's packing paper bag from her hand.

I know that I was cleverly seen through by her again.

I used to feel that there were too few people in the world who knew me, even though many of my friends didn't want to admit it.

because I know myself better than anyone, I am a very closed person. Most of the time, I can talk to many people "from Bach to wine, from optical fiber to Suqiu", but I never say a word about the feelings deep in my heart.

they think they understand me, but sometimes I deliberately want them to "understand".

but she can always pass through my heart easily like a strand of silk, coming and going freely, wrapping my heart again and again when I face those sadness and embarrassment alone.

every time I am touched by her unique tenderness, I don't know how to respond. I just keep circling and repeating the same sentence in my mind:

"Thank you. I really found the right person."

before writing this article, she pestered me for a long time and said, "Damn it, can you praise me more?"

I replied to her with a look of disgust: "you can't even cook or wash your clothes. What can I praise?"

she hammered me with an angry smile: "praise me for being beautiful and smart. I have a lot of advantages."

I smiled and ignored her.

because I know that if we always use these universal advantages to prove that our partner is the "right person", it simply doesn't hold water.

if I admit it myself, when I meet someone who is prettier and smarter, won't I say to her, "I've met the right person, there's nothing wrong with you here"?

to me, she is the "right person" because she is her and gives me something that no one can give me.

just like the title of the song I heard 72 times in NetEase Yun that day:

only you are irreplaceable.