Yu Chunjiao, I don't want you anymore.

/March 2023

on December 30, on the high-speed train away from home, A Lu asked me this sentence, and he said, "if you sum up your 2016 in one word, what would you use?" I thought for a long time until the bullet train drove across a field, and I saw a middle-aged man fishing by the river pond. when he cast his net, it suddenly occurred to me that over the past year, I had lived like a "net" in his hand.

Why is it "net"? Because the homonym of "net" is "forget".

the reader I met on the road is A Lv, a native of Puning, going to Guangzhou. He told me that he had lost two things on his way home. First of all, he quit his job for three years. He runs a camera studio with three friends, a career he once thought he could love for the rest of his life. It's different from a career. It's a job he's willing to do even without pay.

A large part of the reason is that the co-workers he worked with were once the best high school friends. When he told me about the interesting things he used to skip class and went to Tokyo to shoot with these friends, I looked at him trying to restrain but still tilted up, smiling at the corners of his mouth.

"but somehow, we are getting colder and colder. When we are together, we lose our temper and misunderstand for longer than talking well. Every time I complain about each other, I feel like I haven't done anything well. I try my best to get better, to maintain, to mend the hole, but it's useless, over and over again."

it turns out that there are some things that are not really useful just by working hard.

when he said this, Ah Green's eyes dimmed. He met these friends at the most confused stage of his college and began to study making videos. At first, because of a little talent, he made a short film unexpectedly popular. So everyone began to worship Ah Lu as a god and placed high hopes on him.

but since that time, Ah Lu's level has remained untouched on that line, and sometimes he is under too much pressure and even retreats. His original legal profession can't take care of it, and he can't do a good job in photography. Teammates began to worry, one night they pointed to Ah Lu and said, "if you don't make a good film quickly, everyone will break up."

A Lu has been in this specious struggle for two years. Over the past two years, he has become cautious in his words and deeds, forcing himself to reach that height, but it has become more and more difficult. Every time he feels delighted with his little progress and begins to break through with greater hope, his teammates will always come out and hold it down with one sentence, "it can't go on like this."

at this time, Ah Lu's girlfriend in his hometown broke up with him for the seventh time. A Lu loves his girlfriend very much. They have been together for three years. They used to make a fuss and say they broke up with each other. But this time, A Lu only said, "if you can't, then split up."

this is the second thing that A Ludu lost.

when I was in the car, A Lu hung his head and said to me, "I don't know what's wrong. I feel like I'm getting better. Why can't I do it again?" I'm so tired over and over again. I really feel like I can't do it this time. "

he said a sentence that impressed me very much. He said that he only knew how to take one road and went on a rampage. He never wondered if he had made a wrong choice in the first place.

I didn't sleep last night. I went downstairs to drink water in the living room. I remembered that the third part of Zhiming and Chunjiao had just been finished. I turned on the TV in the dark and watched Chunjiao and Zhiming again.

I remember that when Yu Chunjiao was in ktv with her friends, Zhang Zhiming, who had a new girlfriend, came to ask her to stay. In another box, he said a lot of touching-sounding words, and Chunjiao said, "Mr. Zhang, I'll call you half a dozen Yanjing, and you can go after drinking it."

in fact, Chunjiao simply does not have the ability to be psychologically free and easy. after saying this, when she returned to the original k room, everyone was chopping wine. She wet her eyes with a microphone and sang "the Last Rose" to the screen. "every time your eyes surprise me, even a day of wind and rain can make me smile and avoid."

how naive is Zhang Zhiming? He will compete with Yu Chunjiao for ice cream. When he buys ice cream, he will ask for a bag of dry ice that can last for two hours, and then pour the dry ice into the toilet to watch it smoke. He doesn't like to eat. He likes to eat 7-11 spaghetti that is not so healthy, salty and meaty. He will deliberately fart when he sees the body smell in the horror movie, teasing Yu Chunjiao. This is "smelly cinema."

others will think that Zhang Zhiming is very cute and funny, but in a relationship, if you are on the "babysitting" side, you will know how hard it is.

for example, Zhiming promised to have dinner with Chunjiao's friends, but because he had a job to do, he called Chunjiao's friends to the beach where he worked for a barbecue. As a result, Chunjiao and her friends were barbecuing all the time, watching Zhiming work. All the grilled chicken wings were taken to entertain customers. Chunjiao went over and said, "actually, you can tell me if you have a job. I can tell my friends that they don't have to accommodate us."

Chi Ming began to be impatient. "then I'll wait on the client and then wait on you. Don't I have to pay the rent?" Don't you need to refuel the car? "

the word "waiting" was the direct trigger for Chunjiao to move away from Zhang Zhiming's house, and the last time was on Chunjiao's mother's 50th birthday, Zhiming stood up and did not show up or make any phone calls.

and when they realize that they are wrong, the best they can do is to act coquettish, say "I'm sorry", and then pretend to be pitiful in a low voice, which is usually forgiven.

the sequela of this forgiveness is that after every forgiveness, there will always be a next time. So Yu Chunjiao said, "Zhang Zhiming, don't you think we've been repeating it?"

when Yu Chunjiao thought Zhang Zhiming came back to save herZhang Zhiming called her from the airport in Beijing. He said he had packed all his things at home and went up to pick them up when he was free. I had to go. At this end of the phone, she told the other party to pay attention to dryness, put wet towels at the head of the bed and drink more Sydney soup. Tears swirled in the eyes while talking.

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A year later, Zhang Zhiming asked her out. They drove a long time to the resort in the suburbs. When Chunjiao thought she could revive, his phone rang. His girlfriend called, and he left without her. He said, "soon, I'll be back soon."

Yu Chunjiao said, "No, you won't come back if you leave."

Zhang Xuan sang a song, "brilliant Fire", which talked about a rule: if you look back in front and I turn back, we will miss it; then if you turn back in front, and I do not look back, do you want me?

because of the possibility of being "wanted", she stood there all the time, afraid to look back, not only Chunjiao, but also Ah Lu.

that "net", like in this year, our work, our friends, the people we love, we believe in it, but we always fail to do it well, entangling things that can't get to shore at both ends.

Zhang Zhiming is like Yu Chunjiao's "net", and the ideal of the camera, that group of friends, and his girlfriend in his hometown, is Ah Lu's "net".

although he is a loyal fan of the Zhiming and Chunjiao series, I don't want it to produce a third movie. The advantage of the movie is that it always stops properly. You never know what happened after happy ending.

remembering the phone call Yu Chunjiao called Zhang Zhiming when he left, she said, "I like you, I really like you. I like it so much that I'm scared myself. But so what? It's no use. I know. I really do. Some things can't be forced at all. "

when we love something, we seem to have to learn two skills, one is to get used to loneliness, and the other is to stop being afraid. Later, Chunjiao was no longer afraid of losing Zhang Zhiming; A Lu was no longer afraid of losing this job, friendship and love. They all seem to have realized the things we have been ignoring-- choosing a direction is much more beautiful and braver than bumping into it.

on the way to Guangzhou for the New year, there was a three-hour traffic jam to cycle hello nico's "what's next". There is a lyric in it, "you have to wait until you start to hate yourself before you know how to be honest with what you want."

2017, many people are encouraging us how to persist in the new year, but in the past year, the most important thing I have learned is how to forget and how to give up. I hope that in the new year, whether it is Ah Lu or the former "Yu Chunjiao", you can boldly make a choice and say to those inappropriate things, "well, I don't want you anymore."

because you who cling foolishly in the wrong direction are not cute at all.